This poem was written for someone I love who struggles with bipolar disorder. Though I have suffered through depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, I can never truly understand her pain. I want to help but I am at a loss as to what to do.
I wanted to share this here so those who suffer from mental illness might know how your suffering breaks the hearts of those who love you but don’t know what to do.
A Broken Heart of Love
This searing pain in my heart I wish it would go away I pray for it to leave me But it is love I would be hollow without it
I watch you drowning in a sea of turmoil and fear I reach out my hand, the one connected to my broken heart “It’s okay, the sailing’s fine,” you say
I walk away, thinking perhaps my eyes deceive me and you are not drowning, or else why would you say otherwise? I know you would not lie
But still this pain deep down inside my aching heart reminds me that you are not fine, the sea is not calm
The storm rages but I cannot rescue you You cannot see my hand reaching through the darkness beckoning you to dry land
“A Christian is not a person who believes in his head the teachings of the Bible. Satan believes in his head the teachings of the Bible! A Christian is a person who has died with Christ, whose stiff neck has been broken, whose brazen forehead has been shattered, whose stony heart has been crushed, whose pride has been slain, and whose life is now mastered by Jesus Christ.”
John Piper
“No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.”
John 15:15
It seems that the purpose of life is not to find our freedom, it is really meant to find our Master.
The idea of being a slave to anyone is repugnant–a blow to our pride. We chafe at this, and yet man was never meant to be separated from the Lordship of Jesus. We’re instructed repeatedly with the New Testament idea that “our life is not our own” Over and over God proclaims Himself as the King.
That really can trouble us somewhat.
Not so much when life is fairly good, granted, but in those hard moments when a decision must be made between enjoying the titillating “lusts of the flesh,” or accepting the fruits of the Spirit. This is one of those “lordship moments.” They come and go, and they show us exactly who we are. We cannot escape this–it’s part of our faith.
If you’re really going to be authentic–that is to be a legitimate and real disciple, then you must determine who is going to be in charge, and this isn’t one of those casual decisions. Your decision must become a settled issue.
You must fix your decision in your heart.
The thief on the cross knew salvation, he was promised an eternity with God simply by faith. But I submit to you that he had put himself under the Lordship of Jesus, simply by recognizing the sign, “the King of the Jews.” I believe he saw and understood its implications. Jesus was King! He knew and understood.
This is a very hard word for some, but so many of our personal issues hinge on this
I know this first-hand. It’s a monumental struggle. You must admit to not only having Jesus as your Savior, but you also must put your life under His total Lordship. You need to pick up your cross daily in order to follow. You need to learn how to kneel in total surrender to Him.
I’ve chosen a crown to open up this post–it’s done on purpose. I simply want you to understand the supreme call He has on your life.
You must learn here and now how to kneel before theSovereign King.
Your resistance to His lordship will end up bringing total pain. You MUST bow and accept Jesus’ crown– to recognize His lordship over every area of your life.
If you look up into His face and say, “Yes, Lord, whatever it costs,” at that moment He’ll flood your Life with His presence and power.
A panic attack affects one out of 75 people, and it often can be quite disconcerting. My panic attacks occur roughly once a month and last for about 1/2 hour. When the acute symptoms first appear my first reaction is to resist giving in to it. I get the “shakes.” For a long time, I didn’t know what caused them or more importantly what could stop it.
A panic attack is a sudden surge of an incredible fear.
Typically it comes without warning and without any obvious reason. It is far more intense than the feeling of being ‘stressed out’ that most people experience.
As a believer in Jesus, the physical symptoms can be quite real, but the spiritual issues become obvious when we consider Satan’s attacks on our faith. Although we may have a proclivity, we don’t have to surrender to panic as the way of life.
Symptoms of a panic attack include:
racing heartbeat
difficulty breathing, feeling as though you ‘can’t get enough air’
a terror, that is almost paralyzing, a seeming irrational fear
dizziness, lightheadedness or nausea
trembling, sweating, shaking
choking, chest pains
hot flashes, or sudden chills
tingling in fingers or toes, (‘pins and needles’).
fear that you’re going to go crazy, or are about to die
You probably recognize this as the classic ‘flight or fight’ response that human beings experience when we are in a situation of danger. But during a panic attack, these symptoms seem to rise from out of nowhere. They occur in seemingly harmless situations–they can even happen while you are asleep.
In addition to the above symptoms, a panic attack is marked by the following conditions:
it occurs suddenly, without any warning and without any way to stop it.
the level of fear is way out of proportion to the actual situation; often, in fact, it’s completely unrelated.
it passes in several minutes; the body cannot sustain the ‘fight or flight’ response for longer than that. However, repeated attacks can continue to recur for hours.
A panic attack is not dangerous, but it can be a bit terrifying.
Largely because it feels ‘crazy’ and ‘out of control.’ Panic disorder is frightening because of the symptoms associated with it, and also because it often leads to other complications such as phobias, depression, substance abuse, medical complications, even suicide.
Its effects can range from mild social impairment or just pretty a total inability to face the outside world.
As a follower of Jesus, I’m certain that Psalm 91 is written for me. If I may, attacks of fear shouldn’t be faced head on, rather we set our hearts on Jesus, and allow Him to defend and protect us. I suppose we’ll always be susceptible, but we dare not be defeated.
“You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day.”
Psalm 91:5, ESV
Further reading and help on panic attacks check out these sites:
In June of 2002, I journeyed from Alaska to Cambridge, England. It was there I somehow found myself on the streets talking to myself; alone, disoriented and quite lost.
I wasn’t taking my medication.
I had just been released from a hospital in Anchorage, Alaska and was under the care of a psychiatrist. I headed out without his approval..And so here I am now all alone in a country I had never visited before. My confusion was profound. I was desperate and mentally ill.
I noticed the stares and the whispers as wandered the streets.
Or maybe it was just my raging paranoia. But yet there’s more. Much more. On just a mildly benign occasion I wandered into the English version of a Wal-mart. I was in a dreary daze, but I thought I ‘heard’ a 5 foot bush call out as I walked by. I just knew my calling was a prophet. I was like Moses. I also heard God from a bush! (Exodus 3:2).
My chosen, eternal destiny was to save it. I grabbed and scootched it toward the check-out line. After a few minutes the bush was insanely heavy and I saw that the line was very long.
After some time I finally abandoned the tree in the middle of the check-out line. It seems I did have some moments of clarity, even at my strangest. It was a weird experience. (What can I say, I’m a sucker for talking bushes.)
I was told later that over hundred people were praying for me.
Finally, at my worst, I reached into my pack and there was this CD. I began to listen to it, and imperceptibly began to be restored to some semblance of sanity. My thinking was clearer and I would finally find my way back to where I was staying.
King Saul, in his own weak grip on sanity, was ministered to by David’s music.
One song on the CD in particular ministered to me. It’s called “Kyrie Eleison,”which is Latin for “Lord Have Mercy.”
Kyrie Eleison Lyrics
Verse 1 Empty broken here I stand, Kyrie eleison, Touch me with Your healing hand, Kyrie eleison, Take my arrogance and pride, Kyrie eleison, wash me in Your mercy’s tide, Kyrie eleison.
Verse 2 When my faith is all but gone, Kyrie eleison, Give me strength to carry on, Kyrie eleison, when my dreams have turned to dust, Kyrie eleison, In You O Lord I put my trust, Kyrie eleison.
Verse 3 When my heart is cold as ice, Kyrie eleison, Your love speaks of sacrifice, Kyrie eleison, Love that sets the captives free, Kyrie eleison, O pour compassion down on me, Kyrie eleison.
Verse 5 Humble heart of holiness, Kyrie eleison, Kiss me with Your tenderness, Kyrie eleison, Jesus, faithful Friend and true, Kyrie eleison, All I am I give to You, Kyrie eleison.
