Category: brokenness

The Art of Kneeling

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“Come, let’s worship him and bow down. Let’s kneel before the Lord who made us.”  

Ps. 95:6, NCV

We come directly to Him, with so many deep and ugly flaws.  We step toward Him, having lost every confidence, but yet there is an assurance that we have arrived at something far beyond ourselves.

Mental illness destroys confidence.  In our most lucid and aware moments, we discover that we are completely disarranged.  We stumble and fumble through many things which are easy for others.  But they are intensely difficult for us.  My distinct paranoia has ruined many possible relationships.  I end up fouling many possible friendships to my loss.

We gravitate toward this place where we can only bow.  There are so many, far too many loose ends.  So much is unsure and I’m totally unready for this.  And yet, we have a nagging thought that we just might shatter these issues that hold us.  And maybe even break into a profound awareness of Light. Sometimes we can only bow without saying a word.

We must readily admit that we can only bow.

Nothing can be brought in, or considered as a provision or an enhancement to our credit. All of us are beggars and losers in His sight.  We simply can’t generate anything that just might make us acceptable in His eyes. The only thing acceptable is the blood of Jesus on the cross.

Everyone who truly kneels is brought to this place.  We are undone, completely.  In the light of His deep grace, we have been dismantled and rendered inoperative.  We must step out of our ruins, and leave them in a pile.  Sweet grace will save us, in fact, it is the only thing that can.

“We believe that we are all saved the same way, by the undeserved grace of the Lord Jesus.” Acts 15:11

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Suffering: Finding Some Reasons

suffering1“Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested.”

Hebrews 2:18, (NLT)

“Whenever you meet someone who has really suffered; been limited, gone through things for the Lord, willing to be imprisoned by the Lord, just being satisfied with Him and nothing else, immediately you scent the fragrance. There is a savor of the Lord. Something has been crushed, something has been broken, and there is a resulting odor of sweetness.”

  Watchman Nee

I remember a time many years ago when I felt like I had a ‘charmed’ life. I had no issues, few problems– life was smooth, there was no ‘roughness.’ I felt like I was God’s favorite, His ‘golden boy.’ I should have known it wouldn’t last :-).

Suffering in the scriptures is often linked with the concept of endurance. Often within the selected verse the writer weaves into it this idea. I believe that to endure something transforms it to good. Believers will suffer, but the issues get transformed into something quite beautiful, if, we add the ingredient of patient endurance.

“We give great honor to those who endure under suffering. For instance, you know about Job, a man of great endurance. You can see how the Lord was kind to him at the end, for the Lord is full of tenderness and mercy.”

James 5:11

In many ways, suffering is a tutor teaching us the foreign dialect of the Kingdom. If done under the kind direction of the Holy Spirit, it can give us a working knowledge of patience, endurance and joy. We must learn to speak in another language. A suffering believer will find a new vocabulary in pain that allows him to speak with understanding to those who are also in pain.

I spent several years studying Spanish. Even though I wasn’t really fluent, I discovered it opened a whole new world; being bilingual created new opportunities that I’d never even knew existed. I believe that suffering works under this same principle.

light-end-tunnelDo you speak the language? Can you communicate with love to those who hurt? Learning it can transform you to a person that can speak authoritatively to a wide swath of people. Having had to handle your own pain gives you the privilege of interpreting God’s love into pain and hurt.

From our own hurt (through endurance and joy) we can help others. I can always tell a fellow-sufferer. They are typically gentle and loving people, devoid of pride and control. These are the ones who have learned to speak the idiom of the Kingdom of God.

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us… We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. 9 In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead.

2 Corinthians 1:4, 8-9

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Falling, and Dying?

“I tell you the truth, a grain of wheat must fall to the ground and die to make many seeds. But if it never dies, it remains only a single seed.25 Those who love their lives will lose them, but those who hate their lives in this world will keep true life forever.”

John 12:24-25, NCV

 

Often believers are attempting to ‘hear God’ only to bolster their position, reputation, ‘connections’ and prestige.  There’s no talk about falling down and dying as Jesus revealed in John 12.  If I’m extremely occupied with knowing God’s will it will maneuver me into a completely wrong position.  Discipleship was never meant to be a celestial self-improvement plan.

When I get over-concerned about ‘my’ discipleship, acquiring the praise of men and achieving a modicum of honor, I end up ‘missing the boat’.  Life was not meant to profit from, but ‘to fall and die.’  There is a deadly danger of becoming self-aware and self-absorbed.  And this is ‘the spirit of the age’.

Nothing will ever go right if we try to hear the Lord while we avoid falling and dying.  To put it another way.  There can be no resurrection without a crucifixion first.  We must die if we are going to live.  We must become weak before we can understand power.

Will you realign your life to include ‘falling, and dying?’ 

Do you really want to hear Him?  Will you realign your life to include ‘falling, and dying?’  Will you begin to readjust the way you approach yourself and others?Modern popular versions of our faith will almost always lack this ‘death-life’ component.  These versions are often designed to reflect our society.  And we are terribly self-centered.  We will not ever grow and mature unless we consent to ‘falling and dying’.

Beware of the church whose leaders do not ‘limp.’

Beware of the church whose leaders do not ‘limp.’ Dying to self is a challenging and vital component to our faith that will bring us into an astonishing fruitfulness.  That is what happens to those who die–they bring life to others.

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Humility and the Broken Believer

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“…they should be gentle and show true humility to everyone.”

Titus 3:2

“Humility is perfect quietness of heart. It is for me to have no trouble; never to be fretted or vexed or irritated or sore or disappointed. It is to expect nothing, to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me and when I am blamed or despised.

It is to have a blessed home in the Lord where I can go in and shut the door and kneel to my Father in secret and be at peace as in a deep sea of calmness when all around is trouble. It is the fruit of the Lord Jesus Christ’s redemptive work on Calvary’s cross, manifested in those of His own who are definitely subject to the Holy Spirit.”

—Andrew Murray

As believers who have been broken on the wheel of life, we will sometimes struggle with “the what-ifs”.  What if I could have stayed stable, we ask ourselves.  We are so busy thinking about what-could-of-been and we miss the opportunities we now have as a broken person.  Murray apparently reached a place where he could find peace with whatever happened.

We who struggle with depression, or with mania or delusions have much to deal with.  We are not really accepted by our pastors and church and it seems we fight a very private battle.  It seems that we will never reach our potential. Humility becomes a way to escape many of these issues.

But no matter what happens, through whatever misunderstanding I must endure, peace is found in humbling myself. Without humility there will not be any peace.

Someone once told me, “always try to do someone else’s will rather than your own.”

“How great victory was that which Jonathon must have gained over himself, when he rejoiced to see David raised above him! He discerned the mind of God in David, and had so learned to delight in God, that he did not see in David one who was to outshine him, but another faithful man raised up for God and Israel.”

–Robert C. Chapman

Someone once told me, “always try to do someone else’s will rather than your own.”  I think that is excellent advice.

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