The Story of Kyrie Eleison and My Mental Breakdown

Posted on May 21, 2013 by

Celtic-worship Ten years ago, I somehow connected with this song. I was terribly manic and I had found my way somehow from Alaska to Cambridge, England. It was there I wandered the streets  talking to myself, lost and disoriented. I had just gotten out of a mental hospital in Alaska, and was very medicated. I was by myself in a country I had never visited before. I realize I was acting very strange.

On one occasion I wandered into a “big box store”– I was in a daze, and I heard a 12 foot tree call out to me as I walked by. My heart surged with mercy. I would save it! I grabbed it and headed to the cashier. I slid it along, and the check-out line was very long. It was a very weird experience. Somewhere, somehow, I had gotten this CD and I slipped it in my Walkman. Sanity would slowly return and this CD, by Nick and Anita Haigh really brought me healing words and a Celtic melody.

I would meltdown several times after this. And there would be 3-4 more visits to a psych ward for my manic depression, but none would be as severe as my collapse in England .

Kyrie Eleison (Love Have Mercy) lyrics

Verse 1
Empty broken here I stand,
Kyrie eleison,
Touch me with Your healing hand,
Kyrie eleison,
Take my arrogance and pride,
Kyrie eleison,
wash me in Your mercy’s tide,
Kyrie eleison.

Chorus
Kyrie eleison,
Christe eleison,
Kyrie eleison,

Verse 2
When my faith is all but gone,
Kyrie eleison,
Give me strength to carry on,
Kyrie eleison,
when my dreams have turned to dust,
Kyrie eleison,
In You O Lord I put my trust,
Kyrie eleison.

Chorus
Kyrie eleison,
Christe eleison,
Kyrie eleison,

Verse 3
When my heart is cold as ice,
Kyrie eleison,
Your love speaks of sacrifice,
Kyrie eleison,
Love that sets the captives free,
Kyrie eleison,
O pour compassion down on me,
Kyrie eleison.

Repeat Chorus

Verse 4
You’re the voice that calms my fears,
Kyrie eleison,
You’re the laughter dries my tears,
Kyrie eleison,
You’re the music, my refrain,
Kyrie eleison,
Help me sing my song again,
Kyrie eleison.

Repeat Chorus

Verse 5
Humble heart of holiness,
Kyrie eleison,
Kiss me with Your tenderness,
Kyrie eleison,
Jesus, faithful Friend and true,
Kyrie eleison,
All I am I give to You,
Kyrie eleison.

Repeat Chorus (x2)

T

Hear a version of this on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYAvDY5Fjj0

Download Kyrie Eleison (Love Have Mercy) 320kbps mp3

ybic, Bryan

Posted in affliction, Alaska, battle, believer, brokenness, Bryan's comments, delusions, desperation, difficulties, discipleship, following Jesus, hallucinatiions, Irish, Jesus Christ, kyrie eleison, life, life lessons, lost causes, love, lyrics, mania, manic, medications, mental illness, mixed states, dysphoria mania, pathetic, personal comments, presence of God, protection, Psychiatric Ward, self-deception, Serving Mentally Ill Christians, spiritual lessons, trials, understanding, unreality | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sinners Get Priority

Posted on May 20, 2013 by

 

17 Jesus heard this and said to them, “It is not the healthy people who need a doctor, but the sick. I did not come to invite good people but to invite sinners.”

Mark 2:17, NCV

“The true Christian’s nostril is to be continually attentive to the inner cesspool.”  C.S. Lewis

How ironic!  Today, religious people are seen as a sort of an elite, an upper crust. The seem like they have it together, or at least they think so. Somewhat superior to those of us who live hard, and know all about sin.  The hearts of the lower level don’t make any pretension to any kind of spirituality.  They understand that they are the dregs.  They have adapted to living in an ugly and twisted world that gives nothing.  There is a sense that they know they are on ‘the highway to hell.’ They aren’t surprised by this.

The gross sinner, and the spiritually debilitated, have been brought into a very special place.  Jesus intends to escort us into glory, even in spite of our and unsightly infection.  He is wonderful, and yet we see that He really does specialize in losers.  He ‘homes in’ on them and then connects with those who have no ‘religious’ sense to speak of.

This seems quite counter-intuitive, especially if you’re trying to start a religious movement.  It is quite necessary to have a strong base, to seek out good people, and with finances– obviously.  And ‘the sick’ have blown it all on sex, drugs and rock & roll.  They will never finance the ministry of Jesus.  The disciples all have grasped this, especially Judas.  They are full of practicality.  They approach discipleship as a business. (And truly, these are the dangerous ones.)

The sick, the defective, and the infirm have now been elevated by Jesus’ new focus.  They have ‘zero spiritual’ value, with absolutely nothing to contribute — they are more of a liability then anything.  People like us who are very ill really can’t contribute to what is really happening.  More often then not, they require intensive care from the healthy and whole, sapping the strength of the work. Truly God is not against us because of our sin. He is with us against our sin.

I have a blue handicapped placard. This really helps and gives me preferential parking. And in much the same way spiritually, if you are a loser– you have dibs.   Jesus shines on you specifically (even if the Church won’t.)  There is a kind of a loving triage that He uses as He draws people into His domain and influence.  Hearts and lives that are black receive His eager attention.  Of course, there will be voices that object to this perceived inequity.  But Jesus has no favorites, only intimates.  Remember this, the sinner who has been “forgiven much, loves much.”

*

ybic, Bryan

Related articles
Posted in believer, devotional, discipleship, Jesus Christ, lost causes, personal comments, religion, Serving Mentally Ill Christians, sickness, sin, spiritual lessons, understanding, Very helpful | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Discipleship is Intimacy

Posted on May 17, 2013 by

Intimacy with Jesus

There is so much good about any emphasis the Church puts on discipleship.  We pray, fast, and study the Bible better than any other generation.  We have as our pastors and teachers men and women equipped in our seminaries in Greek and Hebrew, educated in counseling and Church growth.  We are doing missions with the best of them.

But there is something amiss.  I believe we have misplaced intimacy.  Our worship services seem mechanical.  We are no longer in a wild love affair with the One who really matters.  We no longer just spontaneously think of Him, crying out for His mercy and love.

It could be that the evangelical Church in America has passed its expiration date.  We have grown confused, and have struggled with an emptiness that is at the core of a legalistic and a works dominated life.  We do not cry out with a passionate love for Him who desperately wants to hold us close.

The Book of Song of Solomon is the love story between a shepherdess and her beloved.  This love is a love that envelops and controls a person’s entire being.  Her love is intense as well as thirsty.  She needs her shepherd.  There is an element of being “lovesick.”

In 2 Corinthians 11, Paul writes about his deep concern for that particular Church,

I wish you would be patient with me even when I am a little foolish, but you are already doing that.2 I am jealous over you with a jealousy that comes from God. I promised to give you to Christ, as your only husband. I want to give you as his pure bride.3 But I am afraid that your minds will be led away from your true and pure following of Christ just as Eve was tricked by the snake with his evil ways.4 You are very patient with anyone who comes to you and preaches a different Jesus from the one we preached. You are very willing to accept a spirit or gospel that is different from the Spirit and Good News you received from us.

There is jealousy involved here (which is suspect by us) and a foolishness (which is embarrassing) and is emotional.  This passage suggests a higher and purer following of Jesus that Satan wants to corrupt.  Paul was concerned that these Corinthians would not be a pure bride.  He got jealous over their vulnerability.

I want to challenge you to keep the innocence of your relationship with Jesus. Guard it and refuse to be led away from its simplicity and sincerity.  Love with a white hot love.  Learn the language of romance again and remember that your discipleship is not an end in itself.  Biblical discipleship is intimacy with Jesus.

ybic, Bryan

Related articles
Posted in believer, devotional, discipleship, intimacy, Jesus Christ, joy, love, personal comments, prodigal son, romance, Serving Mentally Ill Christians, spiritual lessons, teaching, understanding | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Understanding Your Pastor

Posted on May 16, 2013 by

PASTORING

I think that most of us in the Church fail to get a real grip on what pastoring is all about. And that is sad and bad. Not only do we stunt our pastors growth, but we cripple ourselves, and flunk some important spiritual lessons.

Three things (there are more, believe me)–

1) Our pastors are sinners. Surprise! They are just like you and me– definitely not superheroes and certainly not always saintly. They will have their moments, and struggles. We really need to understand this to fully receive from their giftings. Just knowing this about them, prepares us to receive deeply and sincerely from their ministries. It seems that their own battles work a brokenness and humility within.

2) Our pastors need to be prayed for. What they do is probably one of the hardest, most challenging work on planet Earth. The good pastors know this. But they still wade courageously into the thick of things. Our real prayers can buttress and stabilize their lives. They substantially encounter the darkness and do warfare for us. Most have a family to pray for, but they also have a Church they must cover too. A local pastor must have active intercessors, or they will certainly stumble and fall.

3) Our pastors must be empowered by the Holy Spirit. God’s work must be done His way. And He repeatedly insists they be filled with the Spirit. They receive power right from the true source. Again, Jesus the True Shepherd gives power and wisdom and grace for each singular moment. A good pastor over time and much prayer– develops discernment and an awareness for his flock. He learns to love them as he watches over them.

Much, much more could be written. There are so many facets to ponder. I only want to encourage you to love and honor your pastor. When you do this, it will probably activate the gift, and fresh ministry will become available. A real work will be done, inside of you and inside your pastor.

“Then I will appoint responsible shepherds who will care for them, and they will never be afraid again. Not a single one will be lost or missing. I, the Lord, have spoken!”

Jeremiah 23:4, NLT

&

ybic, Bryan

5

Pastor Darren Williams Refuge Chapel, Homer AK

Pastor Darren Williams
Refuge Chapel, Homer Alaska

Related articles
Posted in believer, Jesus Christ, church life, God, prayer, pastor, evil, faith, ministry, grace, spiritual warfare, Bible promises, encouragement, love, fruits of the Holy Spirit, wisdom, discipleship, understanding, spiritual lessons, advice, difficulties, power, blessings, friendship, distinctiveness, discernment, following Jesus, giftedness, christlikeness, Holy Spirit, honor, helpful, darkness, frustration, compassion, Father God, flock, shepherd, preaching, battle, lessons learned,, strength, correction, fellowship of the saints, church, life, endurance, complexity | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Following the Lamb

Posted on May 15, 2013 by

These are the ones who follow the Lamb wherever He goes. These were redeemed from among men, being firstfruits to God and to the Lamb.

Rev. 14:4

Distinctions are going to be made, whether we like it or not.  John saw a select group of people who were extraordinary in many ways.  But their particular badge of honor was their deep and insatiable desire for the Lamb.  They saw themselves as followers whose happiness was walking in the footsteps of the Lamb.

“Lamb-followers” are a rare breed.  They are not like others.  They draw all comfort and well being by being in close proximity with the Lord, and maintaining that as their primary purpose. They follow Him because they love Him before anything else. Jesus has truly become their first-love.

Scripture has some eccentricities at times.  In this verse Jesus specifically and precisely is identified as a Lamb.  It is perhaps a bit unusual, as Jesus is given so many titles, names and accolades in this Revelation of Jesus Christ given to the gentle disciple, John. But why “Lamb?” There certainly others more majestic, more stately and dignified.

The Lamb is following his Father, and we are following the Lamb.  The Lamb takes an interesting path.  He takes us on a tour of discipleship, and we follow him through difficult challenges and sweet blessings.  He is most gentle and kind.  But he has supreme power and complete authority.  And yet, he is a lamb.

This badge of honor is a mark of special grace.  Lamb-followers understand this, there is no pretension to any righteousness within their minds.  Everything they need has been graciously provided.  It is their exclusive position.  And He gives it to all who ask for it.

They carry this distinction without any self-awareness or conceit.  Their eagerness to be with him strips them of any foul contamination, or they could never travel in his path.  The Lamb teaches them patiently.  They learn to strip themselves of all vanity and fleshiness.

The Lamb has gone to the cross.  He has laid down all of his deity and all its various divine accouterments. He stripped himself down and became the least of everyone. Lamb-followers must walk this same path, and it is most challenging.  But the Lamb also has come to his throne, and we who follow share in his glory. But He must become our “first-love.”

ybic, Bryan 

Related articles
Posted in believer, devotional, discipleship, helpful, honor, humility, Jesus Christ, personal comments, self-centered, servanthood, Serving Mentally Ill Christians, shepherd, spiritual lessons, understanding | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment