Category: brokenness

What Do I Really Need?

“The depressed don’t simply need to feel better. They need a Redeemer who says, “Take heart, my son, my daughter; what you really need has been supplied. Life no longer need be about your goodness, success, righteousness, or failure. I’ve given you something infinitely more valuable than good feelings: your sins are forgiven.” 

Elyse M. Fitzpatrick

 “And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:19

It really does come down to “needs” after all.  I don’t need to feel better, and I don’t need a to take another Zoloft.  Do I believe in psych drugs? Yes, most definitely.  I do need to control my moods. But when we talk about need (its really an emphatic word, it needs to be drawn out) I have discovered I really have very few needs.

I’ll tell you what I need.  I need to follow Jesus with my cross.  I need to pray and worship in His presence.  I need to love my wife and children.  I need to love my neighbor.  I need the Word, both ‘rhema’ and ‘logos.’  I need a good pastor, and I need to fellowship with other believers more than I do.

Its good to go through this sifting process.  I do not need to feel happy, healthy, wealthy, content, strong, moral or helpful.  I do need God however. Yes, I am “mentally” ill.  I do take meds to keep me from burning down our house and shooting our dog.  I’ve been listening to music in my head that others can’t hear.  I see things, astonishing things.  I sometimes have to deal with paranoid feelings that would curl your hair.

But what do I really need?  I desperately need God.

I need his love.  I need to know all my sins are forgiven.  I need to know that I will be with him forever and ever.  I guess the challenge is now yours, sort out these issues.  It doesn’t matter what flavor of mental illness you have.  You need Him.  Everything else is mostly froth and scum.

“I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!”

Isaiah 65:24

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Those Joyful Christians

Joyful

“You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
    I will praise you with songs of joy.”

Psalm 63:5, (NLT)

“To be truly happy– a man must have sources of gladness which are not dependent on anything in this world.”

J.C. Ryle

The defining hallmark of vital Christianity has to be joy. It is truly what describes believers in every culture, from a ‘rice paddy’ in Vietnam to a business woman in a NYC skyscraper. Joy is seen in their hearts and faces. Its source– the indwelling Holy Spirit; He makes them ‘bubble’ in a ‘carbonated’ kind of holiness. He sets them apart for Himself. They are His own possession. He loves us prodigiously.

I must say this: Joy is not contingent on ‘good’ circumstances. A bad day at the office or a bill-collector at the door can’t nullify the Spirit’s ministry inside of us. We can be joyful in all circumstances without being comfortable with them. As a matter of fact, we can rejoice (joy, again) in our tribulations.

Ultimate joy is waiting for us. We must turn-off the TV and give our video games a rest, and press into communicating with God. Sometimes we’ll need to shut down the internet for a few hours, to keep ‘the spring bubbling’ fresh and clean.

It will take work to set the Lord before you,

you will have to say ‘No” to some things.

Awareness of Him through His Word and worship are good habits to have. They are essential for ‘broken believers’ that may struggle with physical or mental handicaps. They are as vital as the meds we must take.

 “And Nehemiah continued, “Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!”

Nehemiah 8:10

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Anxiety Stole My Personality – for a Season

depression

by Melanie Valdivieso

Christ has set my soul free – Hallelujah! This truth shall forevermore stand. But on this earth and in this body, I have a mental illness: anxiety, plus a dash of depression. An invisible enemy, stigmatized as either lunacy or mental weakness – it has stolen my personality and threatens me with doubt. I fret over the future and plan for crises that never happen. My chest grows heavy, my vision blurs, and my head spins. My time is consumed with regulating breathing and my heartbeat. All I want is to get out from under the blanket that suppresses who I really am

Ironically, I held a very stressful job that I LOVED; I was a high school English teacher. Indeed, I was going to teach for the rest of my life – with the help of meds of course.  Oh, that glorious moment during my second year of teaching when I realized that I was free to be myself because I had found the right medication. Then the rollercoaster ride of bodily changes started: my brain would grow accustomed to the medication and quit responding to it, or my body would grow  a brand new human being or two. Every few years I needed to readjust or change my prescription, the challenges and rewards of teaching captivated me again, and on I persevered.

Then the 2015 school year started, and I experienced my worst episode of anxiety. Logic takes a flying leap when you can’t breathe, focus your eyesight, or stand in a crowd of people, so it didn’t occur to me that I needed to see the doctor about changing my prescription. By the time logic did manage to squeak through the cracks of my troubled mind, it was too late. My love of teaching had deserted me, and the best I could muster was babysitting the students. After nine years of teaching, I was so tired of having to fight my body and my mind to do my job, so I quit at the end of October.

As you can well imagine, the lies of the enemy nagged at me everyday during this season of transition, and I allowed them a seat in my heart. Specifically, the master lie that took the throne was that I had failed. My husband’s denial of my mental illness heaped upon the guilt and shame of quitting a career to which I devoted myself left me floundering for purpose. I had failed miserably to pick myself up through strength of will and support my family financially.

However, the Lord of the Universe says that I am not a failure. He states it over and over again in Scripture.

Truth #1

2 Corinthians 6:18 – “I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”

I am a daughter of the King. Anxiety and depression are physical problems, albeit they manifest as emotional symptoms, but that doesn’t change me being a princess. I had lots of fun teaching as God’s daughter, and now He is humbling me for other services.

Truth #2

Romans 8:1 – “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,”

First and foremost, since Jesus doesn’t condemn me, I shouldn’t presume to condemn myself. Secondly, mental illness is NOT a sin. Finally, the choice to quit was a healthy choice, and God definitely supports health!

Truth #3

Isaiah 54:5 – “For your Maker is your husband—the Lord Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.”

How to react to my husband when in moments of anger he says deprecating things to me? Now I know; my Maker is my eternal Husband. I will listen to what He has to say about these trying times by respecting His commands to be Christlike.

Truth #4

Romans 8:28 – “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Psalm 115:3 – “Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.”

This is God’s sovereignty! I have faith that either God allowed this ordeal to occur so that I can focus on a new ministry, or He is just so powerful that He turned something horrible into something that glorifies Him.  Either way, I give my injury to Him and He transforms it into beauty.

After coming through as a whole person, I praise God for His mercies, which don’t depend upon my feelings.  God’s Word is the truth that stands forevermore, and through each episode of anxiety in my life, the truth is internalized more and more.

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About Melanie Valdivieso

I taught high school English for close to 10 years before quitting due to anxiety. I was so confused about this drastic change in my temperament. Shouldn’t I be set as who I am for the rest of my life now that I’m 34? Apparently not, and you now what? I like the author God is creating in me, and I couldn’t be my true self without first having taught English for so many years.

 

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The Clinic is Open

In the late part of the 1800s, a London Times journalist asked ten of the brightest men in England this question, “What is wrong with the World?”  One of these men responded,

“Dear Sirs,  I am.

Signed, G.K. Chesterton.”

Chesterton had been incredibly convinced of his own depravity.  He knew the evil that waited for him, lusting for him in the next room–or the very next set of circumstances.  G.K. had no illusions about the sin, a ravenous sin that could seize him at the drop of a hat–springing up, and devouring him.  In the moral and spiritual landscape, he wasn’t the predator, no!  He was the prey.

In my own walk of following Jesus, I must deal with certain issues.  I want to stress this–I have a mental illness but, it is not a spiritual illness.  But  that is not completely true either.  We all are spiritually ill, everyone of us, made sick by sin–and Satan is volunteering to be our doctor!

Redcross On a different level, the kingdom of darkness is working to keep me spiritually sick.  The Prince (or chief physician) of that evil has intentions to malnourish and to erode my spiritual health.  His form of smallpox, and his version of the measles corrupt and sicken me.

I guess I’m in a quandary.  Who should treat me?  I find myself trying to see both.  I have periods when I favor one treatment plan–and then I abruptly make an appointment  to see the competing healthcare provider.  I vacillate and it carries me right in the dynamic tension of Romans chapter 7:5, 14-15.

5 “When we were controlled by our old nature, sinful desires were at work within us, and the law aroused these evil desires that produced a harvest of sinful deeds, resulting in death. So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.”

I’m at the place; and perhaps, the age, to work out some kinks in my heart–and my thinking.  And I scare myself.  There is such a dynamic working over me, that compels me to seek Jesus for his help.  My soul is sickened– a wrong diet of choices, habits, attitudes– all in an “overheated culture that is pounding and cajoling and maneuvering, like some “used car salesman” all on a spiritual level.

“True” holiness, not the religious kind, is our daily destiny. Mixed with grace, it becomes something that pleases our Father.

Dear ones, please hold on to your faith and love in our Lord Jesus.  We must fear God enough to do this.  We must hate sin even more.

“I am more afraid of my own heart than of the pope and all his cardinals. I have within me the great pope, self.”

–Martin Luther

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